SKILLEDVILLAGER

X-Men Origins: Wolverine Review

Sigh… While not a “bad” movie - if you look at it in the light of X3... The soul of the story was M.I.A… If you are not familiar with the old Marvel Comics- you very may well like the movie; but what director Gavin Hood did was take all the reason that I have for liking the character and dull it down or completely do away with it… Let me break it down:

1. The Acting:
Let just say some of it was really… HORRIFIC! Hugh Jackman has seemed to take the character as far as he can… Don’t expect anything new… Liev Schreiber, keeps your attention and does seem to embody the Sabertooth spirit pretty well; but don’t even get me started on Danny Huston’s portrayal of Stryker… A wax figure of Corey Feldman could have been a more convincing actor! Gambit, looks cool and does several card tricks – but his best trick was having Cajun accent for about 2.5 seconds - then it disappears! I guess that is what they mean by “Movie Magic!”

2. The Story:
Here is my real beef… The story of the Wolverine is one of brutality, passion, confusion and ultimately redemption. The Man vs. the Animal within! Way too much for one movie – but they tried to cover it all anyway! The movie should have been titled: Weapon X and been a cross between Saving Private Ryan and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre… (Read Marc Cerasini's Wolverine: Weapon X! The scene in the book with Logan and the wolves… That was the epitome of Logan vs. Wolverine… Still gives me chills!)

I can hear it now, the mother’s crying, “That would be too gory and wouldn’t be appropriate for my children!” Well tell me this, what is so kid friendly about human torture, human experimentation, war and brutal murder? That is what the story is about! (Sounds a whole lot like the nightly news to me, anyway…) While the movie never gets realistic about it’s portrayal of these events – they still happen. People are sliced and diced in an abundant fashion… Tell me what is more dangerous – marketing a movie to kids where they see that there is NO consequences for your actions? “You wanna hack someone up, Jr.? It’s ok – it is nice, clean, fun and cool!” Or marketing the movie more towards adults and at least somewhat realistically portraying the brutality of the characters actions? Don’t tell me you won’t make more money – The Watchmen was HORRIBLE and in no way watchable but the flick made a little money – they would have made a TON if the movie would have been even remotely good…Wolverine is not Spider Man or Iron Man! Marvel made a conscious decision to have a ruff, edgy, more down to earth character - Come on PEOPLE! The character is a man with KNIVES that protrude out of his bleeding, bloody hands! I don’t think Wolvie’s claws are made for easier food processing! Marvel used Wolverine to bring a nastier, more dangerous character into their somewhat light universe…

3. The conclusion:
Wolverine was a killer, a mercenary, an animal - But he was also a man in constant search for redemption. This character is no where to be found in Hood’s movie. Logan is little more than a pretty boy trapped in an unbelievable world, where it felt more like the actors, producers and director were just off screen pushing little buttons on a Playstation controller…

"I'm the best at what I do . . . and what I do ain't pretty." Well, this time it was Mr. Wolverine… This time it was…

I give it 3 out of 6 very shiney, unblemished Adamantium Claws through your computer screen and all my old comics! Man...
 

The Watchmen Movie Review!

Ok… The Watchman… If you thought movies such as the Pirates of the Caribbean had too many characters and funky side plots that didn’t really add to the story telling aspect of the film – then DO NOT see The Watchmen. I think that Silk Spectre II said it best… And I quote: “Can’t you just tell me how it ends – Save us the trouble?” The actress seemed about as annoyed as everyone else around me about 2 ½ hours into the film.

The good thing about The Watchmen is that it shows you how the world would have been if Ronald Reagan and hair bands were never a part of the 80’s… We all know the world is a much better place because of Jaguars, Jackson Guitars and Tawny Kitaen – those of you who are now banging your head and singing “Here I Go Again” know what I am talking about!

“Don't worry, Marty. Assuming we succeed in our mission, this alternate 1985 will be changed back into the real 1985!” “Alternate 1985 – this is heavy duty Doc!”

Heavy Duty indeed! The Watchmen was designed to show a more “human” aspect of the cliché comic book hero… Exactly what Chris Nolan was able to do to the Batman franchise - but instead of, director Zack Snyder, delivering anything that an audience, not already heavily emotionally invested in the book, could even remotely relate to - he just threw in some skin… “Hey Dr. Manhattan (did any one else think he sounded like a 12 year old kid) seems to be disconnecting even further from the audience – I got an idea…” As Emerald would say, “BAM!” And don’t give this, “But it was in the book!” Come on – EVERY time he was on screen without his “Star Trek” looking Speedo the theater was filled with everything from childish giggles to just, “was that really necessary?” followed by goofy to uncomfortable laughter! And he did it with all the characters – Except to the ONLY bright spot in the movie - Walter Kovacs’s Rorschach!

It is official I am voting for Walter Kovacs in the next Presidential election. The somewhat diminutive actor played the part of Rorschach with an abundant passion and looked 7 feet tall and bullet proof in the process!

“I'm not locked in here with you! You're locked in here with ME!”

Not only was he the only character in the film with an actual moral compass – like him or not – the development of his character was real! You could understand his actions, pains, and short comings and you loved him even more for it!

 “Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon.”

Bottom line is Snyder took several of the fight scenes from 300, an in vogue political agenda and one, actually thought out character and just made a movie - instead of actually telling a great story…

Listen, maybe it’s just me, but I like to see movies where I don’t think that my 95 year old, 4ft. tall, great aunt could crane kick one of the main “Super” heroes (I won’t say who… Night Owl!) back to pre production! I hope they enjoy the press and the box office numbers this weekend, because they won’t be there long! Buy the graphic novel and thank me later!

I give it 2 out of 5 rolled up graphic novels upside your face!

Oscars 2009 (Feb. 22, 2009 on ABC)

Ok – Oscars 2009… Although not the brightest set of stars to ever cross the film universe, there still may be something to gain from last years movies… Not a lot, but still a little something…

Called it here first…

Best Picture:
“Slumdog Millionaire” Its up against a movie about Richard Nixon (riveting I know) and a Brad Pitt movie - enough said…

Best Actor:
Does who cares count? My pick is Clint Eastwood – but since the academy did not nominate the legend - I’d have to go with Mickey Rourke – but I’d rather see all of the actors called up on stage and let Hulk Hogan hold the Oscar in his teeth and see who can wrestle it away from him – that is, if he isn’t still busy campaigning for a position in Oboma’s cabinet… He’s filled them all Hulkster, 2 or three times already… Sorry… Pay them Taxes!

Best Actress:
To be honest with you I haven’t really seen any of these pictures… But you got to hate being up against Meryl Streep for any kind of award! It is between Mrs. Streep and Kate Winslet – Go Kate!

Best Director:
I hope it is Danny Boyle – but I can’t count out David Fincher… Wait a minute, I found a quarter; (“flip”) I’m gonna go with Boyle…

Best Supporting Actor:
Ok – this is really the “Best Actor Category!” It’s got to be between Heath Ledger and Robert Downey Jr. I’m calling the man to be… Posthumously, Ledger… Go watch Dark Knight again and when Mr. Ledger screams “Look at me!” to the captured Batman imposter - tell me you don’t get chills!!! Still scares me… Not the actual scene itself, but the fact that there is “real” acting in a “Batman/Comic Book” movie… No offense to Jack Nicholson and Michael Keaton. Beyond that, MUCH OFFENSE to all! Don’t even get me started on Marvel… Topher Grace as Eddie Brock – come on that is freakin Venom for cryin out loud! Have you even read any of your own comic books?? Might as well cast J.J. from “Good Times” as Captain America or Conan O’Brien as Rouge… Hey, at least Conan’s got red hair…

Best Supporting Actress:
I’m leaning towards Penelope Cruz; but if “Benjamin Button” doesn’t win best picture or director, then it will probably go to Taraji Henson.

Best Pixar, I mean, Animated Film:
Walllllll- Eeeeeeee – Come on…
1. It is Pixar
2. The major plotline is about pollution destroying planet Earth – Hollywood GOLD : ) “And the Oscar goes to… Johnny Five!”
(for all you youngins out there – that was a 1986’s “Short Circuit” reference : )

Best Original Screen Play:
These are always fun… It is got to be between Dustin Lance Black for “Milk” or, like I said before, Hollywood Gold - Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, Pete Docter for “Wall-E.” “Number 5 is alive!” (again back to 1986)

Best Adapted Screen Play:
Got to go with Eric Roth and Robin Swicord for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” just for making over 2 1/2 hours feel like 10… Or if “Slumdog Millionaire” misses on the Best Picture, look for it to pick up this one…

Let me know what your picks! And the Oscar goes to...